Time To Get Real (Plus the Blogger Crush Link Up)

Thursday, March 7, 2013

(Warning: this post is kind of lengthy and a glimpse into my real unperfect life, but I felt called to share it with you.)

One of my fave bloggers, Erin over at Living in Yellow, is hosting a blogger crush link up today and as soon as I heard about the link up I knew who I had to tell you all about.

Before I get into the sharing of my current blog crush, I want to tell you that at the bottom of this post is a story that recently happened to Tolar and I; a true story with some sadness, finding joy and trusting in God.

Which leads me to why Ruthie Hart who blogs over at The Chronicles of Ruthie Hart is my Blogger Crush.
I only discovered Ruthie’s blog a few weeks ago, but the girl is so inspiring and amazing. I immediately fell in love with her because her taste in fashion and home décor match mine perfectly (and I’m super jealous of her chevron wall in her dining room). But there is something I love even more about Ruthie and that is her love for the Lord and her ability to put her thoughts on His amazing grace into so many of her blog posts. She is such a devoted follower of Christ and I was immediately encouraged after reading through some older posts on her blog. Plus, Ruthie is also pregnant with her first child and only 4 weeks behind me, so we are going through very similar times in our life. Ruthie has had a pretty sickly pregnancy and wrote the most amazing post on being positive even through the sickness. Her post inspired me to want to write my story below for all of you. God’s love is amazing and fills all of my needs, I just needed Ruthie to remind me of that.

So here goes…we found out on February 21 that we were having a girl and we were overjoyed. The morning was going so great for us; I was on a high thinking about being a mommy to a little girl until the sonogram tech said she found something on our baby girl’s brain. They are called choroid plexus cysts and at one time they were indicators for Down syndrome. Everything that the sonogram tech told us before that sentence completely flew out the window and all I could concentrate on was that there was a potential that my child might have Downs. She tried to soothe our fears by telling us that everything else looked perfect on baby girl and that at her last medical conference they talked about taking the cysts off the list of signs that children would be born with Downs because they are so common and more often than not do not result in Downs. But still, hearing that our child might have Downs sent Tolar and I into a bit of a scare. We immediately held hands and prayed right there in the sonogram room because we didn’t know what else to do. And I’m so glad that was our first instinct, because God wants to be in every aspect of our life and He wants to cast out our worries.

Later that day I went to work and announced that we were having a girl, but every time I told someone our news, I felt like my joy was robbed from me because in my head all I could think about was that our baby might have Downs. Now please don’t misunderstand what I am writing – I have an extreme fondness in my heart for people with Downs because I babysat for the sweetest and most amazing boy with Downs when I was in middle and high school . Christopher taught me so much about tolerance and love and accepting all others. My fear was that our child might not have a normal life and would constantly have health problems and face so much adversity because she was different. I did not have a fear that I wouldn't love her, because I know I will love my child NO MATTER WHAT. All I want is for my children to have as normal lives as possible and to grow up and be able to declare the gospel of Jesus to others. But I let the enemy win for a little while. On the outside I looked like any normal mother who just found out she was having a girl, I smiled and laughed with my friends when I shared the pink news, but inside I was sad and couldn’t shake the nagging fear in my heart. The enemy wanted so badly to take me down and I was letting him have control of my thoughts. Until that night. I went to DC Sisterhood at church and was met by so many hugs, smiles and words of congratulations. The spirit of God was so clear and thick in that place, I started to feel better. Then as I was leaving a friend offered me another congrats on our baby girl and I felt the Lord say to me “Lindsay, you should have joy. Don’t let the enemy strip you of that right now. This is an amazing time in your life.” And you know what, I totally agreed with God!

I prayed the whole way home for our God to take away the fear from my heart and for God to heal our baby girl. I didn’t want to share our news at first and I’m not 100% sure why I chose to keep quiet. Tolar and I told only a few prayer warrior friends and family, people we knew that would intercede on our behalf.  And they prayed hard! They offered up scripture and words of encouragement and even stories of other mothers they knew who had the same thing happen to them and that their babies were born healthy. I prayed hard too, in fact my prayer life increased tenfold. I felt such a peace each and every time I went to God in prayer.   Maybe I didn’t want to share because I was scared of the pity I would receive if I posted it. Or I was scared that by putting our story out there it might come true. Or that perhaps I did something wrong during my pregnancy and that is why this was happening to our baby. And mostly, I feel I didn’t want to share our story because again I was letting the enemy win. But through my prayer time and reading Ruthie’s encouraging post, I knew that I HAD to share our story. Because there is freedom in admitting the truth, there is freedom in claiming God’s victory.

So friends I am putting it all out here for you to read. We struggled with the news, we prayed hard for a healthy outcome, we sought God in all moments of our lives and God answered our prayers. We met with a specialist last Friday to check on baby girl and see what was happening with the cysts. We were told that the cysts are very common and in nearly every case the babies are born healthy. So we got encouraging news right from the start! The sonogram tech at the specialist’s office checked everything on baby girl. She measured the bones in her arms and her legs and found that the measurements were normal. Children with Downs have shorter limbs. She checked the location of baby girl’s ears and they were placed just right on her sweet little head. Children with Downs have lower ears. She checked the bones in our baby’s pinky finger and all looked/measured normal. Apparently children with Downs either are missing the middle bone in their pinky finger or it is shorter than normal. All of our baby’s measurements are right on track, her organs are forming (kidneys look great, all four chambers of the heart are there, there is symmetry in her brain), she is developing as she should. And the tech told us that was all good news. Also, the cysts on baby girl’s brain were looking grey, meaning that they were going away. It is our prayer that by the time we go to the doctor again at the end of March they will be gone. At the end of the specialist visit, the doctor came in to go over everything and told us that we had nothing to worry about. Praise the Lord! God heard our prayers and answered them. He sent us to the specialist to have peace of mind.

I will continue to put my trust in the Lord though this pregnancy and all things. God always delivers; He has never let me fall. I rejoice with God that this situation occurred because it brought Tolar and I closer and it brought us closer to God. We didn’t seek man first, we sought God.  I just want to encourage all of you, whatever you are going through, our loving God is there. He wants to help, He wants to heal, He wants to comfort you. You just need to seek Him and let Him.

For those of you that are the praying kind, I covet your prayers. Pray for baby girl to continue to grow healthy and to lead a normal life. A life where she can write her own blog and declare that God is Love.  I thank you for reading this story, I know it was long, but I felt it had to be shared. Love to you all!



  1. Prayers for baby girl : ) Try not to worry, the thing we worry about often turns out not to be the thing that ends up happening.

  2. I love you Bestie! Your baby girl, no matter what, is going to be beautiful and so lucky to have you and Tolar for parents!

  3. You and your family are in my prayers.

    I can definitely understand the immediate and overtaking fear that is struck in a parent with a nurse or doctor indicates all might not be well.

  4. Oh Lindsay.... this post just wrecked me this morning. First of all, and least important, thank you so much for lifting me up on your blog. My goal is to spread joy and be a light in the world where most people can just throw in the towel. Second, I am going to be praying wildly for your sweet baby girl. I absolutely think that God tests us by putting little hardships in front of us only for us to realize that all we had to do was trust Him and everything would be okay. I can't imagine how you must have felt, like you, I have such a heart for down syndrome but you are being realistic and know that it would have been really hard on your family, life, etc (but worth it!). I am praising God that her measurements came back normal...it's hard because doctors almost know TOO Much these days. To give you a little reassurance...my sister found out at 37weeks that her baby girl had hydrocephelus which is water on the brain and lots of times results in slow learning, mentally retarded babies. Well.. my niece is almost 6 months old and PERFECT as can be! The medicine may show one thing but our God is so strong and reveals himself through these little baby girls. I am realizing this is becoming a novel but I could write so much more! Much love to you, daddy, and precious PERFECT baby girl!

  5. Lindsay, thanks for sharing this. My close friend went through something very similar a few months ago -- they saw the cysts at the anatomy scan, no other indicators, crying, prayers, support, and the cysts resolved themselves by the next ultrasound 5 weeks later. So glad that you are getting good news from your doctors, and lots of prayers from all over. No matter how it had unfolded, you guys are going to be great parents and you will have one wonderful child.

  6. As someone with a bit of experience with brains and cysts...I can tell you that they are really (really!) common and a lot of people have them, or had them and they went away (a surprising amount of people). Only incredibly rarely (in about .02% of people) do they ever cause trouble. Anyway, I am thinking of you and your baby girl! And sending you prayers from afar. I am sure she will be perfect! <3

  7. Lindsay,
    Bless your heart. When I was pregnant with Addison I found out the same exact thing. It's actually a very common abnormality found in girls, and usually corrects itself before the baby is born.
    I went in for regular ultrasounds in my third trimester and found out by week 30 my little Addybug was perfect. This is a very scary thing to find out because in the end you always want nothing but a perfect bundle of joy. No matter the outcome, your precious baby girl will be perfect in every way, and she already has a ton of people that love her.
    Just trust that she still has to bake a bit longer until she's done and ready for this big world.

    From a medical standpoint, certain characteristics they search for in an ultrasound once they've found the cysts is bony abnormalities such as clubbed limbs, or a strawberry shaped skull which both are very evident while looking at the ultrasound. The two chromosome defects are trisomy 18 or 21. If they haven't found other physical attributes that point toward a defect then take it day by day and definitely ask for regular ultrasounds as well as amniocentesis to verify the babies health as well as your own.

    I have faith in you and your little family. Baby Tolar will be an amazing perfect addition to the world.

  8. I am praying for your baby girl, for a healthy and a normal life. Praying you and your husband find comfort in the Lord! Praising him this morning for the answered prayers. The fact that her limbs measured perfectly is wonderful news!

  9. Great post, Lindsay. Your Mimi used to say "don't borrow trouble before you know all the facts"--in other words, don't worry about something that may not be true or come to fruition. Prayers do change things as you just found out. Love you! Candy

  10. Praying for you guys and your sweet baby girl! You are so brave to post about this, very inspiring. She will be a perfect, beautiful little girl no matter what.


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