I’m going to do something I don’t normally ask you to do, but I KNOW I am going to need it. If you are the praying kind, would you mind saying a prayer for me today? You see, I head back to work today after 14 weeks of maternity leave. And I am dreading leaving my sweet angel.
I knew even before I had Baby K that going back after maternity leave would be hard, I just didn’t realize it would be this hard. How do I go from spending all day every day with a child I prayed so hard for, to only seeing her for about 2 ½ to 3 hours each weekday? As anyone who is a parent knows, she has changed my life in the most amazing way possible. I can hardly remember what my life was like before her; how did I survive without seeing that beautiful smile all day? These 14 weeks have been wonderful, while also extremely challenging, and I have learned so much about myself, about my husband and most importantly about my daughter. She has changed so much in just three short months and I don’t want to miss a thing. I look back at pictures of her from when we first brought her home from the hospital and she doesn’t even look like the same baby anymore. But oh I remember those snuggles and having her asleep on my chest, I’m really going to miss those moments during the day when I have to sit in a zillion meetings.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am thankful that I have a job to return to because I know with America’s current economy there are plenty of people wishing they had any type of job. It’s just going to take some getting used to, being away from her. Baby K and I have spent so much time together; she knows me, knows to expect me, knows that I will kiss her and love on her every second that she needs me to (and plenty more times after that).
I just really need some encouragement today, need to know that there are people sending up prayers. I know she will be fine (she’s with her G-ma during the day for the next two weeks, then her Daddy for two weeks after that, then sweet Gina who will watch her regularly starting in November), I’m so thankful we are surrounded with people to love on Baby K when I am at work. I just wish it was possible for that to be me.
I’m a little nervous about returning to work because my life is COMPLETELY different. For the past three months, my calendar has been clear. If we needed to make a doctor’s appointment or book a childcare interview, I was free and could do it whenever. “3 o’clock tomorrow you’re free? Sure, you bet I’m there!” was always my answer. I could schedule walks with my girlfriends and their sweet babes (or dogs!!!) and get tons of parenting encouragement in the flesh whenever I needed it. We could swing by Tolar’s work and have lunch with him whenever we wanted. Anytime Baby K needed something I could run right out and get it. Now I go back to having a full schedule, having events that I need to attend, having to schedule appointments weeks in advance and having to cram errands and chores into the weekends. So I’m struggling with being completely available for my daughter and my sweet Tolar.
I’ll need to apologize to my friends that I probably won’t be available for much, especially these first few weeks back. And from 6-8 p.m. every weeknight, I know I won’t be reachable by phone. Because I will be spending those precious hours snuggling my baby. Eventually I know I will find a balance, God always has a way of working things out. But I could just really use some prayer as I transition back into the work force.
I’m so thankful for EVERYONE who has already prayed for me. Your encouragement on facebook, here on this blog, your texts and phone calls are amazing. Thank you for your support. This thing called life is so much better when you have people walking things out with you, so thank you to everyone for helping me along this journey.